The last year Separated, Battled and Getting Back Up.

So I  apologize! I wanted to do so much more with this Blog and  I set some goals last year and they were pretty much writing  more on this blog about my daily lessons learned and some humor in the stories on being a dad, but something happens and I became depressed and side tracked.

My wife left me and we are now separated and getting divorced. I am not going into details why but from November 1st 2014 to now, I have gone though a custody battle and I am still in the middle of a divorce that is almost done.

I had fallen hard. All the things you think about. How will I  raise my child when I have custody? What will the courts do? When will I see her?  What is being said? Etc etc etc.

I was very lucky. I have many close friends who went through this as well as a good lawyer. It's never perfect but I can say my time with my daughter is more valuable than ever before and it's better and more focused than ever before. 

She is five now and we have a good relationship. We have our moments as all parents and kids do. We butt heads but I always make sure every lesson or correction ends with I love you.

I still believe  their is a place for this blog and one day I'll keep a better pace. It's like falling off any discipline. You know how to ride a bike or throw a side kick  but when  you just have to get up, knock  the dust off and  get back to work.

My daughter is teaching me this now. Over the last three weeks she has started a beginning ice skating course. She fell down a lot the first lesson. About eight times. On her second lesson she only fell down three. On her third lesson she only fell down twice and her teacher says next time she doesn't get the use the walker.
As a dad, seeing her smile  and succeeding is just and awesome and the lesson learned  is no matter how long it takes, Get Back Up!

#TA4MC Teach your dad more.

3 years where to go from here?

For 3 years, I have taken a moment out of my day to think about how important it is for my daughter to know how much I love her, and want her to know how I feel about issues and situations she will deal with in the future. I hope when she is old enough to read all of these posts, she understands they were done with love and some sense of thought and reflection. I pray when the day comes that  I am not here for her, she can go back to these tidbits of advice and opinion and they help her make a good decision. Or deal with life's twists and turns.

The blog has been difficult to keep up with and as most people can tell, my grammar is not always the best. As a matter of fact I stopped blogging for a while due to the criticism I was receiving. That was a mistake and not the best overall example I should be showing as a father. Fear and criticism are not a reason to stop. They are the reason to work harder. In the same breath. I have to look at the critic and make the wise decision on how much weight I give the individual.

Leadership and parenting goes hand and hand and if you can not lead by example then you need to rethink what you are doing. Reflecting on the last three years and looking at all the Facebook Posts and Instragram pictures, I ask myself is their anything else I have to say. The answer is yes. I have so much more to say and it starts with letting my child know that I love her more than anything.

I hope in the future  both my daughter and the individuals and former students who have followed me the last 3 years have enjoyed these moments of advice, opinion and food for thought. They all come from experience and reflection on the events that happen on a daily basis.

For those who have been with me for 3 years a heart felt  thank you. For those who have constructively criticized me thank you as well. You can not get better if everyone tells you how great you are. Nor can you become better if no one says anything at all.

To my daughter, I love you every day, more and more.To the moon and back a million times and every day that ends in Y. Life is like a puzzle it takes hard work and time to solve it. 

Unexpected Generosity. It Can Be A Form Of Magic.

Do bad habits define a person?

I have to confess.  I am and always be prejudice of smokers. My father before I was born smoked unfiltered Lucky Strikes.  He was a pool hustler as a young teen and like many other men of his generation they didn't know. I lost him at when I was 17 and that resulted into a standard that anyone I dated didn't smoke. I could have dated some beautiful women but because they liked to smoke I didn't pursue what many friends told me were open door opportunities.

 

About a month ago I got a bag at work from a company called Lulu Lemon. The bag was covered in Inspirational quotes. One of them said that in 20 years we will look at Coke and Pepsi as we do cigarette companies today.  As the obesity and diabetic numbers increase we see the amount  of chemicals we digest has a grave effect on our bodies.  I wonder as I age and deal with the effects of type 2 diabetes will my daughter look at people who drink sugary drinks the way I looked at girls who smoked.

Well to my point of my story and lesson. Last week my daughter celebrated her 4th Birthday. We had a family dinner at T.G.I.Fridays and as we walked out 3 women were smoking.  My natural instinct was to get my daughter away from the smoke.  The women looked at my daughter and smiled. They asked her how old she was, and then out of the blue they put out their cigarettes and each of them took out $5.00 cash and games it to my daughter.

I teared up, felt guilty and was choking up. These women who I judged by their choice of being smokers showed me they were generous, kind and giving.  I took the time to shake their hands and say thank you. My daughter was too shy to do anything then but give a small smile. 

TA4MC Do not judge someone by their personal habits. Judge them by how they treat others. Do you best to support them when they realize a change in their habits is needed.

Parental Do #1 Focusing on Life. Even in the eyes of Death.

It's OK to Celebrate A Life 

This company's video that may surprise you will show you they know how to celebrate life! Watch this story about

 Conan The Crusher.

My day began with my daughter waking me up early. She is very much like me in the sense that when the sun hits her eyes no matter how little sleep she got, she wakes up. She usually demands that I come into her room, make her dolls talk and then begins the process of following me around until I put her Disney Channel cartoons on. This morning was something different. She grabbed one of the many baby dolls she had and said, " I'm going to bring this to Grammy and I hope it makes her feel better" Grammy is her term of endearment for her great grandmother, my grandmother who passed away a few weeks ago. 

My daughter attended the funeral but in the mind of a three year old she still had something I wished I had which was hope. 

She is being raised Christian by her mother and I am being supportive even though I have no religious affiliation. My ties with religion are complicated but I believe in respect for all religions as so I tried to explained that Grammy was with god and free to do whatever she wanted.

I told her a story about how her Grammy before she made quilts made cakes and decorated them and one year she made me a Batman cake for Christmas and put a Santa hat on Batman's Cowl. The cake was served to all of us kids on Christmas Eve. Cake is always a good topic for most kids. 

So in reflection my advice is to:

1. Be honest. Grammy was dead and nothing was going to change that.
2. Reinforce her faith. Do this in whatever way you worship or do not. 
3. Reflect on good times and stories and share something she may not know about her great grandmother.
4. Keep the door open for more questions and conversation. Mourning and Grieving has to take place, tears may have to be shed years from the death taking place.

A Discussion for readers :

Dealing with your kids and death changes as you get older and the stronger the bond the deeper the loss. o you think this strategy would work with kids of an older age? Is there something you would or would not talk about? Please comment below and share your thoughts on how I handled the conversation.

Looking forward to your comments below.

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Thanks

Sean

Your stronger than you think. An eulogy for Grandma June and praise for my daughter and the other great grand children.

First of all, I owe my readers and apology. I tried to commit to a daily blog then a bi-weekly blog then it’s been way to long since I posted anything. I caved into fear and negativity and if you want to reach your goals, sooner or later you have to come out of hiding, draw you sword and slay the dragons that keep you from achieving your goals. Hopefully when you finish reading this post, you will get the point. 

I have had a heavy heart for the last two years. I moved back to Western New York three years ago this June. One of the many reason was to be with my grandparents during their twilight years. Last year, I lost my Grandfather and this past week I lost my Grandma. I believe at funerals, tears should be shed but a funeral should be celebrations of life and not moments of pain and depression. I was more depressed when she was alive and due to her constant chemotherapy treatments that kept my daughter and I away for health reasons, and a very demanding job that sometimes required over 70 hours a week. I never achieved my goal of spending more quality time with my grandparents. From my point of view I failed. 

I have to explain something. I had a conversation with a woman who I used to teach karate college and she taught me when people die they do not mind. Death is the release of pain, fear and the bonds of the human form. Death, for the person who died it is the finish line to the human race. The people who are left behind still running cry, scream, mourn but their feelings are not about the loss of the person who died. They are dealing with how they are going to cope with their loss. Some could define it as being selfish. My point of view of failure is me being selfish. 

At the viewing, the great grandchildren were the strongest. Not too many tears, most of them were happy and the spent time playing up and down the halls. They saw the casket but were more interested in the pictures of my grandmother from when she was younger.  They were more interested in how each other from their generation were doing. They were just happy the family was together. I can not speak for them personally just what I observed. They all had relationships with her not as forged over time as mine and my generation's was but as you will read in the eulogy my grandmother embraces with open arms. 

As the oldest of the four grand children, I felt my responsibility was to give an eulogy. One of my closest friends just gave one for his grandmother and I just felt it was the right thing to do. I have given best man speeches before but never an eulogy. But one and the same I feel the best speeches and lessons are not lectures but stories, so the listener gets to know the person the moment the feeling. Moments that are important to the audience create and re-enforce bonds that strengthen not only the moment of the speech but help people remember it. 

I would like to share my words. So you get to know my Grandma June. I also ask you to comment on your stories about your challenges with dealing with death. I am now much more alone in this world. No grandparents on either side, or my father gone. If there is something I took from my grandmothers passing is time is short and do not waste it. 

If you knew my Grandma June, You knew a woman who loved her family, friends, her church and her lord and savior Jesus Christ. You knew a woman with a passion for quilting, sewing, baking, and knitting. She loved a good roast beef on weck, rare of course, Buffalo sports, shows at Shea’s, Christmas and Santa Clause.

As a child she would introduce me as her number one grandson, in a similar way Charlie Chan would speak of his son in the old black and white movies. Those moments when she spoke of me were the proudest. It gave me something to live up to. She would praise all of her grandchildren and great grandchildren in public even if we were not at our best.

We all had moments where we saw her love, generosity and fairness.

Tami and I would remember our “Miss Manners” training at every meal.

Grandma would make sure there was bread for the flock of ducks that would land on her front lawn for us to feed.We would be provided with the crafts of quilts, hand knitted sweaters, and handmade clothes for the girl’s dolls.

When school was coming it was not uncommon for her to take Tami, Jason and Jaime clothes and shoe shopping.

When it was necessary, they would help by assisting their son’s in laws. When the Handley’s move across country to Denver and again when they returned to Lockport, June and Don were there.  She would welcome my father Wayne, their son-in-law, to live with them for six months when he was consulting for a local firm and was unsure if he would be permanently relocating.

As my generation of grandchildren grew and we forged our own families, the gift of 9, soon to be 10, great granddaughters warmed her soul. It did not matter if the great grandkids came from birthright or forged by the merger of a second marriage. June claimed them and loved them all. So how do you know if you knew our Grandma June?

If you knew you had to tear not slice a dinner roll and butter each piece, you knew Grandma June.

If you knew how to make a potholder by the time you were eight, you knew Grandma June.

If you knew how to get 6 cinnamon waffles on an iron cookie press, you knew Grandma June.

If you knew you could leave your car and spend the night before any flight, you knew Grandma June.

If you knew that even when she was confined to a chair she would still try to control everything about a family dinner, you knew Grandma June.

If you knew your best friend, boyfriend, girlfriend was welcome at anytime at any family function, you knew Grandma June.

If you were told the event starts at 6:00 and you arrived at 5:55 and you were told “you are late!” you knew Grandma June

If you did shots of Aftershock mint on Christmas Eve, you knew Grandma June.

If you knew how to compare and contrast four different supermarket adds, create four grocery lists and have matching coupons to get the best deal and have the endurance to go to all 4 stores, you knew Grandma June.

If you knew the flavors of homemade sweet and sour pickles, fresh garden vegetables, and fresh made buttermilk ranch dressing, you knew Grandma June.

If you went grocery shopping in the basement, you knew Grandma June.

If you knew to donate blood, you knew Grandma June.

If you knew the chore she needed done around the house was not the real reason she called, you knew Grandma June.

If you knew you were expected to say “Oh My Goodness”, you knew Grandma June.

If you ever had been kicked in the shins at McPartlands because you were warned you ate to fast and you still did, you knew Grandma June.

If you knew what an open door, open home and an open heart was, you knew Grandma June.

If you ever knew the love and comfort of a quilt, you knew Grandma June.

When we lost her on Thursday, she was surrounded by her family. As we circled her, all I could think was this family was the greatest quilt she ever made. No matter the distance apart, the trials of growing up. I never loved my family more than in the moment we all came together for her.

If quilting is the craft of making something from scraps into something beautiful, she did her best to create something beautiful when crafting her family. April 18, 2014Sean B. GilgoreNumber One Grandson. 

Focus on your strengths and make them stronger every day.

TA4MC Focus on your strengths and 

make them stronger every day. 

The theme of the day was parental influence

I am listening to the audio book by Zappo’s CEO Tony Hsieh called Delivering Happiness. I am only about thirty minutes in and he has discussed his childhood where in the Asian Culture the stress is on academia, musical performance and community service.  His parents wanted what they thought was best for him: Acceptance into Harvard, a medical degree and to be able to play multiple instruments.

I found these parents forcing dreams or expectations the theme of the day. Before going to work I was exposed to the ABC Family movie Ice Princess. It is a story of two girls who were forced to live the dreams of their respective mothers. The smart girl who was directed to be a Harvard Grad, wanted to be a figure skater and the other girl who was the daughter of an Olympic hopeful and forced to be a figure skater, just wanted to be normal and go to college. So drama ensues and the girls switch

.

Today at work, I saw a girl in tears because she wanted a certain pair of glasses that her parents and grandparents kept telling her were “too old for her”. She was overwhelmed and broke down into tears because the frame they wanted her to have was too small and did not look attractive on her. The grandfather ended up buying both to settle the squabble between the mother and daughter.  As a salesperson it was good for my commission but as a parent, it left a sour taste in my mouth. Why would we force things on our children that they do not like or they do not have a passion for?

Growing up my parents wanted me to go to college. Round peg, square hole but I still went. I tried becoming what I thought was my dream of being a musician and went to a tech school for musicians where I have a certificate of performance from now a defunct school. I have an Associate’s degree, in Communications and Media Design. A Bachelor’s degree in Business Management,  and 32 credits that along with 8 weeks of student teaching gave me a State of Nevada teaching license. It also created an amount of student loan debt than I care to talk about. But none of my education has leaded me to achieve true heartfelt goals and that is very frustrating.

Wisdom comes with age and the more I look back I really get concerned as a parent how do I avoid making those mistakes. How as a parent can I discover my child’s strengths so that I can help them blossom and how can I minimize her weakness so they are not a hindrance in her development.  Is forcing a child to practice, study and master topics or skills they have no passion for really what is best for them?

Tonight I got a quote on my g+ account by Deepak Chopra “If a child is poor in math but good at tennis, most people would hire a math tutor. I would rather hire a tennis coach”. I hope I have the ability to see my child’s strengths and do everything to forge them like a master blacksmith than to dull her blade with skills she has no passion, talent or need for. 

TA4MC The hardest part of any creative project is beginning and ending everything in the middle is usually fun.

I love my Mint Chocolate chip ice cream with peanut butter and hot fudge topping. 

Be Creative and Consistent 

For all my life I have been a creative. As a child I made inventions. My first one was an automatic ice cream system. It had cones on a conveyor belt and tubes of ice cream that dispensed scoops to order. As the customer ordered, the cone dropped into a hole on a conveyor belt and then the selected scoops of ice-cream would fall into the cone. The desert would then arrive for the consumer at the end of the belt. I was always a mint chocolate chip guy myself but I knew that I had to have chocolate, vanilla and strawberry if I was going to sell it. I can say I got the bug for inventing because my father was an inventor and when I did something he liked, he let me know but more importantly he let other adults know. It was that praise that made me want to create more

As I got older, I found two passions, martial arts and music. With martial arts, the alphabet is conditioning. The infinite number of punches, hand strikes, kicks, throws, locks, chokes, movements, and blocks is the alphabet, grammar and sentences structure of martial arts.  The art comes in how you combine these elements into techniques that allow you to defend yourself or defeat and assailant. Training the body also trains the mind. To me this was the greatest benefit as the ability to focus and meditate while in motion and removed weakness from my body and built my confidence.

Where martial arts gave me an outlet for anger and creativity, music and writing lyrics gave me a way to express my soul and in some cases my deepest thoughts that I could not express. Maybe I was too shy or didn't trust sharing the emotions in a direct sentence. Putting words and ideas down on paper that expressed what I was thinking about let me express myself without worrying about what my concern is now, writing both with emotion and following the standards of grammar that make me come across educated

.

I have other inspirations. In the past I have written books, created board and card games and role-playing games. Each has an element of creativity. As a teacher of Marital Arts the creativity of a class was to keep the classes interesting while hitting core elements of technique. When I taught how to play guitar, I had to be creative with how I presented the information and techniques so students felt progress. As a fourth grade teacher, I had to keep the kids interested in what was in some cases very dry material.

Now as I have committed to both a bi-weekly blog and hopefully a podcast in the near future I am transitioning from the person who does this just for fun to the professional who wants to be taken somewhat seriously.  The work has to be done. Even if it feels like walking through three feet of snow, if you commit to finishing, your word is the only thing holding you accountable. The world can read my blog. If I say, “I am going to write twice a week.” Do it. It may not be your best work every time but it is consistent and honest it will show. This commitment is how in the long run you will earn the respect of our followers.

Bad days help you see how good some days are.

Today was a bad day at work. I work for a national optical chain that has over 900 stores in the US and Canada that has a social media clause so I can not mention them by name and I choose to keep that part of my life out of my blog. But to set the stage for this post I wanted you to know it was a bad day at work.  We had problems with customer's insurance, attempted shoplifting, parents who could not control their children who damaged products and displays in the store. Problems with the computers, customers walking out with out paying for services and I ended up leaving late due to these issues and others.

Due to this the problems snowballed. I didn't get to say goodnight to you because I was home late again. Due to the lack of sales I lost commissions and didn't make as much money as I normally would. I left with a bad taste in my mouth questioning am I doing the right thing. I have a job that pays the bills but not much else. Every sale counts, ever customer counts and when I do not perform well at work it reflects in everything from what food we can and can not purchase every two weeks to if we can do something extra for fun.

When you have a bad day you have to take a breath and reflect on a few things One is what is more important the good or the bad. We can have 100 good days but that one bad day  we can not allow us to erase how good those days are. When I get to take the time to write this blog it's good. I have to say it isn't easy coming up with advice every day and it surely has not been easy to write a 500 to 1000 word blog post at least two to three times a week but when I reflect that someday you can share this with your children as I hope you do, you can know that even when you were young I was thinking about what your life will be like when you are older.

I have always been one to hold on to grudges and negative to much and too long. I remember every person who wronged me much more intensely than everyone who did something for me which is sad. Some of them I do not remember their names but I remember how they treated me and how they tried to get away with something when they did not deserve it.

I guess my point is share the good things. Today I helped my boss get out and not stay and extra hour so he could be with his loved ones.I helped a two year old girl who was tired and hungry with a glass of water and some crackers from my snack bag. I entertained customers and made them laugh. I helped people pick out glasses that they will wear for years to come. I began my on-line learning course. I worked out part of my next game I want to invent. I ate good leftover pizza for dinner. Sometimes the good things are simple and we take them for granted when we should never take them for granted.

So TA4MC Take the good with the bad. Remember the good  and let go of the bad. You only attract what you focus on. 

Love conquers fear. Lessons From Frozen

Queen Elsa

A list of Lessons from the movie Frozen. 

When the sky is awake it's time to play

Beware a frozen heart

Fear is the enemy

Know where the healers are

Magical skills gain power.

Hearts are not so easily changed

Heads can be persuaded

keeping things hidden from those who love you is never a good solution to a problem.

Know the difference between elated and gassy.

True love within family is stronger than a strangers kiss.

If you have a ballroom have balls.

Never trust a business partner who dances like a chicken and has the face of a monkey.

Never trust a prince who is 12th in line for the throne in his own country. 

Sisters will hurt you even when they do not intend to.

Don't call a man 3 times your size a crook in his place

Having a voice for your pet will keep you from going insane but people will think your crazy.

Talking to someone will not always resolve the problem. They may not be able to.

Know how to make a snow anchor.

A 200 foot drop onto 20 ft of snow may or may not hurt.

Never call an  snowman  golem  in charge of protecting the queen a marshmallow.

Let it go.

Test the limits and break through.

Yellow and snow don't mix.

Nothing makes a magical snowman happier than its own personal flurries in Summer.

Sharing a carrot with your best friend even if it is a reindeer is ok,

Bring back summer.

Bark face up. No down. No up.

Don't trust anyone from a place called Weaseltown.

Have rope, and axe and carrots if you want a trip up the north mountain at dusk. 

If you try to slay my sister in order to take over my kingdom, expect a punch in the face.

If someone loses their sled while saving your life you owe them a new sled. 

TA4MC Love conquers fear. 

If you don't say it people forget it.

Higher? 

A lot of times people myself included compare things to a savings account at a bank. What you put into it is what you get out of it. The quality of the effort you put forth in you education, work, and relationship should reflect how people treat you, talk about you and should also grow some interest.  As in the longer the investment stays the return on that investment should also grow. If it is not then you have to make a hard decision to withdraw and start over with something  new. Or renegotiate the terms of the relationship.

Some simple things to look at are for example if your in a romantic relationship, and your doing all the giving and work.  Your the one that says "I love you" all the time, Your are the one who remembers milestones and little things of why you are in the relationship and your partner is not. You may need to have that conversation about the relationship or just withdraw or breakup.

If your doing all the work at your job and your manager gives you praise and credit for your efforts as well as rewards you for good work. That may be a place of work  to form a life long career or a leader to follow. If he takes credit for your efforts and never shows you any praise, then it's time to have a conversation or withdraw and search for a new job or better yet start your own business.

If you are in a class, workshop or seminar, especially one you par for and you are not learning. Ask to switch teachers I had to do that in 5th grade and in college. If  necessary ask for a refund. If you getting great information and learning, form a relationship with that instructor so you can always learn from them. Also remember to be the positive force in a relationship by saying kind words. keeping people engaged and be aware of how your actions influence those around you. This however is not a reason for staying in a negative relationship. 

TA4MC If your not getting what you want or need out of any relationship it's never healthy to stay  in it. 

Dealign with anger. Keeping cool when it gets under your skin .

For those that know me personally, Depending on the day I have a long fuse but When I blow up. I usually regret it. I have had  those moments where it was better to punch a wall or other non living thing before I went to jail for cracking someone's skull or putting them in a rear naked choke until their face turned purple.

I was not always like this as a young child, I ended up in the principal's office many times. My buttons were easy to push. I was fat, and tall an easy target, If I fought back I got in trouble because I was bigger and if I hit you, you went down.  Comments about my parents were always under attack for no good reason. I didn't take to name calling very well and would chase and due to being slow would unable to catch the kids making fun of me so I would have to blind side them at lunch or trip them in line. Then little brothers get big brothers and fights or all out attacks would then take place. 

I got angry and frustrated a lot sometimes that anger was passed along to angst with parents or family members. People hurt me so I wanted something to hurt and that's just wrong. So reflecting here's are a few ways to deal with anger.

Martial arts. Thank you  Bruce lee and Sensei Bobby Lamattina.  Find an exercise that you love. I wanted to hit and Punching and kicking bags was and still is my favorite release. It also was a form of meditation.

Reading. Getting into a good book can calm and settle a racing mind. I find this is also good late at night when you can not sleep.

Laughing. Watch a favorite funny movie, read a book of jokes.

Talk to a friend outside of the problem. Great friends will always be there to listen and may give you and outside point of view.

Write. Get every thought of your mind and on paper. Do not worry about spelling or grammar. 

Walk. Take a good walk away from the problem. If they give chase. Then go back to the martial arts.

TA4MC. Anger and holding feelings in  is never the solution to the problem active action to a solution or resolution is.

Stay cool. Sean.

Serving others is different than being a Servant. Know the difference.

I have been in the service industry all my life. From being a paper boy to a grocery store clerk then a retail career since the age of 16. I am 41 now and I am still a servant in the service industry. I work for a corporation and serve customers in the optical industry. I am judged and rewarded by my ability to sell customers products and meet their needs. Each customer is an individual and needs to be treated as such. I am controlled by the corporate guide lines and standards. Therefor I am a servant. I have no control of the selection of products I sell. The method they are to be presented and price they are set. I only control the conversation and the relationship I build with the customer. Many people work this way. Just as a king commands a kingdom and a group of servants. The CEO is the appointed king and the employees are the servants. The only difference is we are free to leave. The consequences will be financial instead of an execution. But we have the choice to look for a new king if we choose. 

When we serve, we serve a cause. The funny thing is now companies realize that serving a cause helps business grow. From Tim Horton's Doughnuts  and their fundraising for camp good days to Wegmans grocery stores and helping out hunger. You can not shop many major businesses without being asked for a donation for a cause. I even thought during the ribbon craze that a store that just supported causes would be a viable businesses. Breast Cancer products in isle 1. Starving Children isle 2. Stray Pets Isle 3 etc. 

All kidding aside every cause is a good cause as long as the group is responsible with how the donations are used and you believe in the cause. If you don't believe in the cause, do not represent it. It will show every time you discuss the cause. If you join a corporation, and you have no experience with what the group does. I advise you to jump in and learn about it and see if it is a match. It may be the reason you  serve those in need.  

TA4MC Never serve a cause that you do not believe in and never serve a master who does not believe in you. 

TA4MC I still play make believe.

Yesterday in came home with dress clothing for my kid. It was a blast as a parent to see my daughter dressing up as Dorthy, Snow White and Cinderella. The irony was the night before, I was playing make believe.  I'm a Gamer. RPG, card, board games, video. I love Games, I design games. 

Last night I played a game of FATE. A great story telling game. Gaming gives me many things. It give me time with friends, as creative outlet.  A good laugh and  an escape from what is bothering me in reality.

Unlike my daughter my game of make believe we did not dress up. We rolled dice, fought bad guys and overcame challenges. We rolled dice and enjoyed the story we created together. 

My daughter was a two Disney Princesses, a ballerina, and Dorthy from the Wizard of Oz. She wore the Ruby Red shoes with ever outfit. She was a miss and giggles from the moment I walked in the door after work. 

Today's advice for my child is to never stop playing. Make believe or other wise.

Parental-Do. A Bakers Dozen of Difficult Subjects to Think About Now More Than Later.

From my Black Belt Test. 

I am not a black belt in parenting. Maybe a yellow or Orange belt. But no master. We all have the choice of being proactive or reactive. As in the game of chess we have to sometimes think 3 moves ahead. Other times we have to be the Aikido Master and keep your center and react with energy equal to the energy we receive. As the parent of a 3 year old child, I have been thinking about the hard topics parents have to discuss with their children. Lately I have seen many commercials trying to help parents talk to their kids about topics such as texting while driving, prescription drug abuse, what to post and not post on the internet. It made me think about what do I need to prepare to talk to my child about. 

1. Death
2. Love
3. Family
4. Money
5. Faith/religion
6. Education
7. Drugs/Alcohol
8. Relationships
9. Media
10. Passion
11. Dating/Marriage
12. Health
13. Entrepreneurship

My list is probably not complete so please add to the comments any subjects I may have missed.

TA4MC You can plan ahead and be ready or be centered and react. If you do not have a plan or you are off balance it will not work. 

Commend, Comment, Discuss, Complain. but never be silent. 

Enjoy Every No Because It's A Step Closer to Yes!

"No!" You can not have a cup of my coffee. 

I spend my days often hearing "No"! Part of my job is to make sales calls to previous clients inviting them back for their annual eye exam. Today I made 43 calls and got one yes. The standard for what I do or cold calling is 1 yes in 10 calls  and getting those odds  is because they are a previous customer. I sit on an uncomfortable stool that gives me low back pain daily and hear "no" twenty, forty and on my best day one hundred times in one day. Waiting for a " yes"

The reality is now I'm just a cog in a corporate machine but when I do this I gain experience and confidence in every no. I plan to be an entrepreneur and when I have my own business I have to learn to be comfortable to "Nos". People who may be close friends, or family may never buy my products or services. Worse they may not support me in my ideas or plans but with that negative response you have to to build a wall of confidence and experience. Each no comes with a lesson and you have to learn from it.

Find your passion learn how to support your self with it and share that passion with everyone who will benefit from it. If the world see's it is sincere it will be like a gravitational pull bring everyone closer to you.
As you try to spread the word of your passion many will say no but you will get closer to a yes with every no.

TA4MC Dont blink you may miss something good...

Why aren't talking about this more?

Ok so Richard Sherman commercial for Beats Wireless On-Ear Headphone (Silver)

Not 30 min later he makes an amazing play  and then he goes on his rant on Fox about how mediocre Michael Crabtree is, causing a media frenzy.




First of all Richard Sherman is a great football player. I don't know anything about him as a person other than he has an opinion and likes to share it. I know the Seahawks Defense helped me win back to back Fantasy Football championships. 

I also know that where I live in Western New York . Marshawn Lynch was ran out of town and now as a team The Buffalo  wish we had a dominating running back that can take over a game like him as well as stay healthy.  He was considered brash, abrasive, gangster by some.  I also do not know him but I know he is one of the best running backs in the league and my home team traded him for? 

The point I am trying to get to is this. I hear all the time about the attitude of players in any sports league sometimes gets out of hand but I have never seen anything more respectful than Marshaun Lynch shaking the hands of his offensive line and other team mates as a touchdown celebration. It's different than just handing the ball off to the official and going to the sideline. It's showing respect for the hard work the first half the whole team put into running the ball against basically a brick wall dressed like the San Francisco 49ers. I don't know but something about that whole series events struck an accord that said here is the way it can be done  and here is the way it should be done. 

TA4MC Don't blink you may miss something good that should be celebrated and talked about. 

Good Dreams Are Worth Fighting For

In honor of Martin Luther King Day. I wanted to discuss the issue of dealing with prejudice and our differences. 

It's can be very difficult at times to " keep the dream alive." When individuals poorly represent their race, creed, religion,sex or financial status or any other way to divide people, Keeping positive is tough.

I had interactions where people would play a " race card" to get their way. I have Been turned away by a minister of a church where I was to be married because his religious beliefs did not allow people of different faiths to be married. I've had the stereotypes other religions
Working in retail I have had people try to use there status, color, age to get discounts, free products or the worse make me feel like cap because I'm not them

We have a choice, let seeds of hate and anger grow a garden on evil that blooms when we meet new faces that remind us of the sad experience we had, or let the lesson of that experience teach us and give each individual no matter what they are the opportunity to show us the quality of their character.

It ain't easy. The media promotes the negative over the positive.  The I Have a Dream Speech is only played today and not everyone believes in happiness and equality for all but you have that choice.

I choose happiness how you find it with people is your choice.   The best way I can find is holding on to the positive experiences you have and have been taught to you by those who are different than you.

TA4MC To Show No Fear you Have to Know Fear

When your a parent dealing with a sick child that has to endure surgery all you can do is be strong for them.  As a parent you know fear. The fear of loss, pain, failure,  not being able to support your child.  As parents we live with these fears daily,


To have fear for your child is common. My mom was very afraid for me. She could not watch me play football or compete in  martial arts tournaments. She feared my injuries more than focused on my drive to succeed.

My child had surgery.  As a parent I tried to make my child comfortable and confident by showing no fear.  She was concerned but at the moment you have to let go of your child's hand and watch them hold the hand of the nurses.

Fear is hard to control but the better we can control our fear the better we can control ourselves.

As a parent how do you control your fear in front of your children.  

TA4MC If you want to be successful in life and in some ways in business, Passion has to come first.

Yes me in the Metallica T-Shirt. I wish I still had some of those old shirts.

Passion it's what drives us. It gives you a reason to wake up,to work a horrible 9-5 so you can follow that passion. When I was 15 it became music and martial arts. The three gents up there were also passionate about guitars we attended the National Summer Guitar Workshop. NGSW. for short. Sad to hear the camp I grew up in and had some great teenager memories is now bankrupt but that is how life goes. Why go to camp when you can learn on-line. I'll tell you why community and a connection to people who share the same passion as you do. FYI a lot of links, zero affiliates.

Many of my friends on Facebook have a passion some are real close friends like my friend Phil his passion for role playing, board and card games have lead to a second career as a writer and speaker on the topic of being a better Game Master.

A member of my High school Class Jeremy who has taken the lessons he has learned about losing weight and maintaining a healthy life style and now coaches others.

Ted, you only see 2/3 of him with the black hair. From shredding guitar to Juggling and, Fire breathing ,He now is the creative manager for one of the elite nightclubs in the world.

My Aunt Debbie who has been a pillar of the weight loss industry and a counselor for 25 years with Weight Watchers and now wants to help people look as good as they feel.

My College friend Jason who's love for history, heritage and a home town field made create a documentary of the Village of Youngstown NY. Hometown Pride USA.


What they all have in common is the passion came first. It has to Everyone here had a reason to lose weight, write a book, play music, make movies. Some did it and hoped financial success would follow. Others just did it and became leaders of what Marketing Guru Seth Godin say's is there tribe.  But the point is Passion has to come first. At age 15 I wanted to play guitar. At age 41 I ask my self the question did I want to play guitar to play guitar.Or did I want to play guitar to look cool and get girls. I still play guitar and I can tell you I got a lot more pleasure teaching students how to play vs. any of the girls I met in any nightclub or bar I played in. When I taught I hoped most if not all of my guitar students saw my passion for both music and their success.

TA4MC  If you want to be successful in life and in some ways in business, Passion has to come first. 

TA4MC Change the approach and change the results.

Tunnel Vision on your goal can always bind you from what you need to see to achieve it. 

As a parent,teacher and manager in business. I am always trying to achieve a result: get my child to go to sleep, have kids study, reach a higher sales goal. The result is always a reflection of a change in behavior. Many times it is a form of experimentation or worse try, fail and try again. To avoid the aggravation try something different. After analyzing what you do do that is not working try this.

1. If you find yourself always screaming. try whispering with intense eye to eye contact.
2. If you find yourself saying no, try giving two alternative choices.
3 If you find yourself using negative vocabulary learn to re-frame your words in a positive way.
4. If you find yourself unhappy ask what would really have to change them or you?
5.If you find yourself, be happy most people don't.