Your stronger than you think. An eulogy for Grandma June and praise for my daughter and the other great grand children.

First of all, I owe my readers and apology. I tried to commit to a daily blog then a bi-weekly blog then it’s been way to long since I posted anything. I caved into fear and negativity and if you want to reach your goals, sooner or later you have to come out of hiding, draw you sword and slay the dragons that keep you from achieving your goals. Hopefully when you finish reading this post, you will get the point. 

I have had a heavy heart for the last two years. I moved back to Western New York three years ago this June. One of the many reason was to be with my grandparents during their twilight years. Last year, I lost my Grandfather and this past week I lost my Grandma. I believe at funerals, tears should be shed but a funeral should be celebrations of life and not moments of pain and depression. I was more depressed when she was alive and due to her constant chemotherapy treatments that kept my daughter and I away for health reasons, and a very demanding job that sometimes required over 70 hours a week. I never achieved my goal of spending more quality time with my grandparents. From my point of view I failed. 

I have to explain something. I had a conversation with a woman who I used to teach karate college and she taught me when people die they do not mind. Death is the release of pain, fear and the bonds of the human form. Death, for the person who died it is the finish line to the human race. The people who are left behind still running cry, scream, mourn but their feelings are not about the loss of the person who died. They are dealing with how they are going to cope with their loss. Some could define it as being selfish. My point of view of failure is me being selfish. 

At the viewing, the great grandchildren were the strongest. Not too many tears, most of them were happy and the spent time playing up and down the halls. They saw the casket but were more interested in the pictures of my grandmother from when she was younger.  They were more interested in how each other from their generation were doing. They were just happy the family was together. I can not speak for them personally just what I observed. They all had relationships with her not as forged over time as mine and my generation's was but as you will read in the eulogy my grandmother embraces with open arms. 

As the oldest of the four grand children, I felt my responsibility was to give an eulogy. One of my closest friends just gave one for his grandmother and I just felt it was the right thing to do. I have given best man speeches before but never an eulogy. But one and the same I feel the best speeches and lessons are not lectures but stories, so the listener gets to know the person the moment the feeling. Moments that are important to the audience create and re-enforce bonds that strengthen not only the moment of the speech but help people remember it. 

I would like to share my words. So you get to know my Grandma June. I also ask you to comment on your stories about your challenges with dealing with death. I am now much more alone in this world. No grandparents on either side, or my father gone. If there is something I took from my grandmothers passing is time is short and do not waste it. 

If you knew my Grandma June, You knew a woman who loved her family, friends, her church and her lord and savior Jesus Christ. You knew a woman with a passion for quilting, sewing, baking, and knitting. She loved a good roast beef on weck, rare of course, Buffalo sports, shows at Shea’s, Christmas and Santa Clause.

As a child she would introduce me as her number one grandson, in a similar way Charlie Chan would speak of his son in the old black and white movies. Those moments when she spoke of me were the proudest. It gave me something to live up to. She would praise all of her grandchildren and great grandchildren in public even if we were not at our best.

We all had moments where we saw her love, generosity and fairness.

Tami and I would remember our “Miss Manners” training at every meal.

Grandma would make sure there was bread for the flock of ducks that would land on her front lawn for us to feed.We would be provided with the crafts of quilts, hand knitted sweaters, and handmade clothes for the girl’s dolls.

When school was coming it was not uncommon for her to take Tami, Jason and Jaime clothes and shoe shopping.

When it was necessary, they would help by assisting their son’s in laws. When the Handley’s move across country to Denver and again when they returned to Lockport, June and Don were there.  She would welcome my father Wayne, their son-in-law, to live with them for six months when he was consulting for a local firm and was unsure if he would be permanently relocating.

As my generation of grandchildren grew and we forged our own families, the gift of 9, soon to be 10, great granddaughters warmed her soul. It did not matter if the great grandkids came from birthright or forged by the merger of a second marriage. June claimed them and loved them all. So how do you know if you knew our Grandma June?

If you knew you had to tear not slice a dinner roll and butter each piece, you knew Grandma June.

If you knew how to make a potholder by the time you were eight, you knew Grandma June.

If you knew how to get 6 cinnamon waffles on an iron cookie press, you knew Grandma June.

If you knew you could leave your car and spend the night before any flight, you knew Grandma June.

If you knew that even when she was confined to a chair she would still try to control everything about a family dinner, you knew Grandma June.

If you knew your best friend, boyfriend, girlfriend was welcome at anytime at any family function, you knew Grandma June.

If you were told the event starts at 6:00 and you arrived at 5:55 and you were told “you are late!” you knew Grandma June

If you did shots of Aftershock mint on Christmas Eve, you knew Grandma June.

If you knew how to compare and contrast four different supermarket adds, create four grocery lists and have matching coupons to get the best deal and have the endurance to go to all 4 stores, you knew Grandma June.

If you knew the flavors of homemade sweet and sour pickles, fresh garden vegetables, and fresh made buttermilk ranch dressing, you knew Grandma June.

If you went grocery shopping in the basement, you knew Grandma June.

If you knew to donate blood, you knew Grandma June.

If you knew the chore she needed done around the house was not the real reason she called, you knew Grandma June.

If you knew you were expected to say “Oh My Goodness”, you knew Grandma June.

If you ever had been kicked in the shins at McPartlands because you were warned you ate to fast and you still did, you knew Grandma June.

If you knew what an open door, open home and an open heart was, you knew Grandma June.

If you ever knew the love and comfort of a quilt, you knew Grandma June.

When we lost her on Thursday, she was surrounded by her family. As we circled her, all I could think was this family was the greatest quilt she ever made. No matter the distance apart, the trials of growing up. I never loved my family more than in the moment we all came together for her.

If quilting is the craft of making something from scraps into something beautiful, she did her best to create something beautiful when crafting her family. April 18, 2014Sean B. GilgoreNumber One Grandson.