Focus on your strengths and make them stronger every day.

TA4MC Focus on your strengths and 

make them stronger every day. 

The theme of the day was parental influence

I am listening to the audio book by Zappo’s CEO Tony Hsieh called Delivering Happiness. I am only about thirty minutes in and he has discussed his childhood where in the Asian Culture the stress is on academia, musical performance and community service.  His parents wanted what they thought was best for him: Acceptance into Harvard, a medical degree and to be able to play multiple instruments.

I found these parents forcing dreams or expectations the theme of the day. Before going to work I was exposed to the ABC Family movie Ice Princess. It is a story of two girls who were forced to live the dreams of their respective mothers. The smart girl who was directed to be a Harvard Grad, wanted to be a figure skater and the other girl who was the daughter of an Olympic hopeful and forced to be a figure skater, just wanted to be normal and go to college. So drama ensues and the girls switch

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Today at work, I saw a girl in tears because she wanted a certain pair of glasses that her parents and grandparents kept telling her were “too old for her”. She was overwhelmed and broke down into tears because the frame they wanted her to have was too small and did not look attractive on her. The grandfather ended up buying both to settle the squabble between the mother and daughter.  As a salesperson it was good for my commission but as a parent, it left a sour taste in my mouth. Why would we force things on our children that they do not like or they do not have a passion for?

Growing up my parents wanted me to go to college. Round peg, square hole but I still went. I tried becoming what I thought was my dream of being a musician and went to a tech school for musicians where I have a certificate of performance from now a defunct school. I have an Associate’s degree, in Communications and Media Design. A Bachelor’s degree in Business Management,  and 32 credits that along with 8 weeks of student teaching gave me a State of Nevada teaching license. It also created an amount of student loan debt than I care to talk about. But none of my education has leaded me to achieve true heartfelt goals and that is very frustrating.

Wisdom comes with age and the more I look back I really get concerned as a parent how do I avoid making those mistakes. How as a parent can I discover my child’s strengths so that I can help them blossom and how can I minimize her weakness so they are not a hindrance in her development.  Is forcing a child to practice, study and master topics or skills they have no passion for really what is best for them?

Tonight I got a quote on my g+ account by Deepak Chopra “If a child is poor in math but good at tennis, most people would hire a math tutor. I would rather hire a tennis coach”. I hope I have the ability to see my child’s strengths and do everything to forge them like a master blacksmith than to dull her blade with skills she has no passion, talent or need for. 

TA4MC The hardest part of any creative project is beginning and ending everything in the middle is usually fun.

I love my Mint Chocolate chip ice cream with peanut butter and hot fudge topping. 

Be Creative and Consistent 

For all my life I have been a creative. As a child I made inventions. My first one was an automatic ice cream system. It had cones on a conveyor belt and tubes of ice cream that dispensed scoops to order. As the customer ordered, the cone dropped into a hole on a conveyor belt and then the selected scoops of ice-cream would fall into the cone. The desert would then arrive for the consumer at the end of the belt. I was always a mint chocolate chip guy myself but I knew that I had to have chocolate, vanilla and strawberry if I was going to sell it. I can say I got the bug for inventing because my father was an inventor and when I did something he liked, he let me know but more importantly he let other adults know. It was that praise that made me want to create more

As I got older, I found two passions, martial arts and music. With martial arts, the alphabet is conditioning. The infinite number of punches, hand strikes, kicks, throws, locks, chokes, movements, and blocks is the alphabet, grammar and sentences structure of martial arts.  The art comes in how you combine these elements into techniques that allow you to defend yourself or defeat and assailant. Training the body also trains the mind. To me this was the greatest benefit as the ability to focus and meditate while in motion and removed weakness from my body and built my confidence.

Where martial arts gave me an outlet for anger and creativity, music and writing lyrics gave me a way to express my soul and in some cases my deepest thoughts that I could not express. Maybe I was too shy or didn't trust sharing the emotions in a direct sentence. Putting words and ideas down on paper that expressed what I was thinking about let me express myself without worrying about what my concern is now, writing both with emotion and following the standards of grammar that make me come across educated

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I have other inspirations. In the past I have written books, created board and card games and role-playing games. Each has an element of creativity. As a teacher of Marital Arts the creativity of a class was to keep the classes interesting while hitting core elements of technique. When I taught how to play guitar, I had to be creative with how I presented the information and techniques so students felt progress. As a fourth grade teacher, I had to keep the kids interested in what was in some cases very dry material.

Now as I have committed to both a bi-weekly blog and hopefully a podcast in the near future I am transitioning from the person who does this just for fun to the professional who wants to be taken somewhat seriously.  The work has to be done. Even if it feels like walking through three feet of snow, if you commit to finishing, your word is the only thing holding you accountable. The world can read my blog. If I say, “I am going to write twice a week.” Do it. It may not be your best work every time but it is consistent and honest it will show. This commitment is how in the long run you will earn the respect of our followers.

Bad days help you see how good some days are.

Today was a bad day at work. I work for a national optical chain that has over 900 stores in the US and Canada that has a social media clause so I can not mention them by name and I choose to keep that part of my life out of my blog. But to set the stage for this post I wanted you to know it was a bad day at work.  We had problems with customer's insurance, attempted shoplifting, parents who could not control their children who damaged products and displays in the store. Problems with the computers, customers walking out with out paying for services and I ended up leaving late due to these issues and others.

Due to this the problems snowballed. I didn't get to say goodnight to you because I was home late again. Due to the lack of sales I lost commissions and didn't make as much money as I normally would. I left with a bad taste in my mouth questioning am I doing the right thing. I have a job that pays the bills but not much else. Every sale counts, ever customer counts and when I do not perform well at work it reflects in everything from what food we can and can not purchase every two weeks to if we can do something extra for fun.

When you have a bad day you have to take a breath and reflect on a few things One is what is more important the good or the bad. We can have 100 good days but that one bad day  we can not allow us to erase how good those days are. When I get to take the time to write this blog it's good. I have to say it isn't easy coming up with advice every day and it surely has not been easy to write a 500 to 1000 word blog post at least two to three times a week but when I reflect that someday you can share this with your children as I hope you do, you can know that even when you were young I was thinking about what your life will be like when you are older.

I have always been one to hold on to grudges and negative to much and too long. I remember every person who wronged me much more intensely than everyone who did something for me which is sad. Some of them I do not remember their names but I remember how they treated me and how they tried to get away with something when they did not deserve it.

I guess my point is share the good things. Today I helped my boss get out and not stay and extra hour so he could be with his loved ones.I helped a two year old girl who was tired and hungry with a glass of water and some crackers from my snack bag. I entertained customers and made them laugh. I helped people pick out glasses that they will wear for years to come. I began my on-line learning course. I worked out part of my next game I want to invent. I ate good leftover pizza for dinner. Sometimes the good things are simple and we take them for granted when we should never take them for granted.

So TA4MC Take the good with the bad. Remember the good  and let go of the bad. You only attract what you focus on. 

Love conquers fear. Lessons From Frozen

Queen Elsa

A list of Lessons from the movie Frozen. 

When the sky is awake it's time to play

Beware a frozen heart

Fear is the enemy

Know where the healers are

Magical skills gain power.

Hearts are not so easily changed

Heads can be persuaded

keeping things hidden from those who love you is never a good solution to a problem.

Know the difference between elated and gassy.

True love within family is stronger than a strangers kiss.

If you have a ballroom have balls.

Never trust a business partner who dances like a chicken and has the face of a monkey.

Never trust a prince who is 12th in line for the throne in his own country. 

Sisters will hurt you even when they do not intend to.

Don't call a man 3 times your size a crook in his place

Having a voice for your pet will keep you from going insane but people will think your crazy.

Talking to someone will not always resolve the problem. They may not be able to.

Know how to make a snow anchor.

A 200 foot drop onto 20 ft of snow may or may not hurt.

Never call an  snowman  golem  in charge of protecting the queen a marshmallow.

Let it go.

Test the limits and break through.

Yellow and snow don't mix.

Nothing makes a magical snowman happier than its own personal flurries in Summer.

Sharing a carrot with your best friend even if it is a reindeer is ok,

Bring back summer.

Bark face up. No down. No up.

Don't trust anyone from a place called Weaseltown.

Have rope, and axe and carrots if you want a trip up the north mountain at dusk. 

If you try to slay my sister in order to take over my kingdom, expect a punch in the face.

If someone loses their sled while saving your life you owe them a new sled. 

TA4MC Love conquers fear. 

If you don't say it people forget it.

Higher? 

A lot of times people myself included compare things to a savings account at a bank. What you put into it is what you get out of it. The quality of the effort you put forth in you education, work, and relationship should reflect how people treat you, talk about you and should also grow some interest.  As in the longer the investment stays the return on that investment should also grow. If it is not then you have to make a hard decision to withdraw and start over with something  new. Or renegotiate the terms of the relationship.

Some simple things to look at are for example if your in a romantic relationship, and your doing all the giving and work.  Your the one that says "I love you" all the time, Your are the one who remembers milestones and little things of why you are in the relationship and your partner is not. You may need to have that conversation about the relationship or just withdraw or breakup.

If your doing all the work at your job and your manager gives you praise and credit for your efforts as well as rewards you for good work. That may be a place of work  to form a life long career or a leader to follow. If he takes credit for your efforts and never shows you any praise, then it's time to have a conversation or withdraw and search for a new job or better yet start your own business.

If you are in a class, workshop or seminar, especially one you par for and you are not learning. Ask to switch teachers I had to do that in 5th grade and in college. If  necessary ask for a refund. If you getting great information and learning, form a relationship with that instructor so you can always learn from them. Also remember to be the positive force in a relationship by saying kind words. keeping people engaged and be aware of how your actions influence those around you. This however is not a reason for staying in a negative relationship. 

TA4MC If your not getting what you want or need out of any relationship it's never healthy to stay  in it. 

Dealign with anger. Keeping cool when it gets under your skin .

For those that know me personally, Depending on the day I have a long fuse but When I blow up. I usually regret it. I have had  those moments where it was better to punch a wall or other non living thing before I went to jail for cracking someone's skull or putting them in a rear naked choke until their face turned purple.

I was not always like this as a young child, I ended up in the principal's office many times. My buttons were easy to push. I was fat, and tall an easy target, If I fought back I got in trouble because I was bigger and if I hit you, you went down.  Comments about my parents were always under attack for no good reason. I didn't take to name calling very well and would chase and due to being slow would unable to catch the kids making fun of me so I would have to blind side them at lunch or trip them in line. Then little brothers get big brothers and fights or all out attacks would then take place. 

I got angry and frustrated a lot sometimes that anger was passed along to angst with parents or family members. People hurt me so I wanted something to hurt and that's just wrong. So reflecting here's are a few ways to deal with anger.

Martial arts. Thank you  Bruce lee and Sensei Bobby Lamattina.  Find an exercise that you love. I wanted to hit and Punching and kicking bags was and still is my favorite release. It also was a form of meditation.

Reading. Getting into a good book can calm and settle a racing mind. I find this is also good late at night when you can not sleep.

Laughing. Watch a favorite funny movie, read a book of jokes.

Talk to a friend outside of the problem. Great friends will always be there to listen and may give you and outside point of view.

Write. Get every thought of your mind and on paper. Do not worry about spelling or grammar. 

Walk. Take a good walk away from the problem. If they give chase. Then go back to the martial arts.

TA4MC. Anger and holding feelings in  is never the solution to the problem active action to a solution or resolution is.

Stay cool. Sean.